Yes, this is a poor me blog...just so you know :)
I have a friend who says that she appreciates it when people are "REAL" with her about things and don't pretend like everything is always perfect. I tend to try to hide things when things are difficult and when I need help I try to spread it out so that I'm not asking the same friend for so many favors. I hate asking for help but I feel like I have had to ask for it a lot lately. I guess I have a lot of friends who need to gain those blessing from serving me, lol. Anyway, this is me being REAL...
Spencer went in to the ER yesterday for his back and has been completely helpless the last few days. I have been catering to his every need and the kids haven't exactly been easy. I'm sure I am making it worse than it is...I tend to over-react when I'm tired/grumpy.
I haven't been sleeping well either. Spencer snores SO LOUD and it's so hard for me to deal with. I have tried earplugs (the highest rating I could find), He has tried some over the counter snore prevention stuff (mouthguard, nose strips, and a nose ring looking thing) and I have tried to get him to go to the doctor about it but he seems to think he knows what the problem is and how to fix it...that problem just isn't getting fixed though. Sometimes I seriously consider moving in to the guest bedroom but I don't because I feel that could potentially be a problem in other areas. Today I tried to take a nap after church and after I got the kids down but Spencer was snoring so loud...I kept kicking him until he asked me why I kept kicking him. I told him "It's Mother's Day and I just want to take a nap!" I know that was probably insensitive of me since he has been in a lot of pain but I feel wound so tight lately and need some relief. He ended up hobbling down the stairs for a little bit so that I could take a nap but it was a horrible one. Have you waken up from a nap feeling like your blood is just boiling with anger? That is how I felt after this nap and got woken up by Spencer comming back to bed because he couldn't stay awake [the pain medication he is on is making him drowsy...maybe I should jack a few of those ;)].
So from serving Spencer and catering to him so much I just feel like today is more of a Father's Day than a Mother's Day...if Spencer wasn't in so much pain. I do feel bad feeling that way.
On another note, Baer has been getting test after test and is up to 3 therapists...this week 4 therapy appointments so far but are waiting to hear about possibly more. The developmental pediatrician mensioned autism as a possibility and wants to add some more therapist that SHE recomments IN ADDITION. He will be getting another speech therapist and an ABA specialist/therapist. She says that I should be working with Baer 40 hrs a week...this I have to say stresses me out. I feel like that is a lot to handle with everything else going on. I will just have to do my best and that's all I can do [no this statement isn't me being rational...It's a little attitude...I'm just being real :)] Baer will also be getting some more genetic testing and has to see a pulmonology specialist, possible endoscopy and/or throat swallow, has an appointment for a GI specialist, a doctor to come and diagnose whether or not he has autism, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera... I feel like up to this point I have actually been dealing with all of this really well. I was talking to my Mom the other day and she said the same thing. I just feel like it is starting to really catch up to me now. My house is a disaster...more than usual and I just can't seem to get caught up. I feel like I should be able to do more but I am always SO tired I just don't have the energy to clean when I have a spare moment so I don't.
James has been having a listening problem lately and it has been hard emotionally to deal with. It made me feel better to hear/see that my sister-in-law is having the same issue with her boys this last week as well.
I know that I have a lot of blessings and I am not forgetting those. I know that there are a lot of people out there with more issues to deal with than me....and maybe it's you. I don't know. I have so much to be greatful for...I just want you to know that after such a post.
Hopefully I will wake up in the morning with a little more sleep and all of this will just seem silly, but sometimes you just gotta rant when you are IN the moment.
If you have made it this far...(I don't know...I got nothin'...that was going to be clever but it's gone) :)
P.S. (I'm adding this after posting)... On the bright side of things I DID get chocolate dipped strawberries for Mother's Day from church, and some of the men came and took over Nursery to give me a break. I was able to go to class, which I haven't done in a long time.
I OFFICIALLY HAVE A REAL DEGREE!!!
3 months ago
15 comments:
Hey girl! You are such an awesome mom and wife! Don't worry I have officially declared that father's day is now going to be mother's day! Your turn is coming. (ps. you may have to tell Spencer of this change) -katie
Oh, Jackie! and there I was complaining about menial things. Consider yourself hugged, from me. :) You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
I agree with Katie! :)
I hope that tomorrow will be a better day for you, I wish I had some encouraging words for you that would lift you right up, but just know that I have days like this all the time and you are not alone! I will put your family in my prayers tonight!-Amy
Poor girl! If you want, you can join our rants n raves blog! :)
But seriously, I love that you were so real in this post. Life isn't all roses..and i am sorry that you are so worn out. My brother snores HORRIBLy too (he is overweight) and they gave him some sort of device for sleep apnea. I guess it has helped. My sis-in-law uses a noise machine (or buy a HUGE fan) and see if that works. Nothing is worse than a momma that doesn't get her sleep..that's when the inner lion comes out!
Goood luck and let me know if I can do anything!
I think it's lame that we have to feel like we are ungrateful and weak if we are going through a tough time and want to get it off our chest. So I'm glad you wrote this post and hope it made you feel a little better.
You need to get some sleep! If it takes moving into the other room, then do it. Because sleep deprivation will affect EVERYTHING else.
Also, if it makes it feel better I couldn't stand my boys when they were about 3 1/2 - 4. The effin fours is what I called it. They were AWFUL. And to add the stress of Baer's medical issues on top of everything else - it is a lot to handle.
So, I guess the point of this long response is you are not alone. Do what you need to do to get through the day and don't feel bad about it. It will pass eventually. And if you need a break - have James come over to play with my kids. We're basically just across the street from you.
Jackie, first of all I love you and think you are amazing! You are a wonderful mom and wife! You have been so strong and loving with everything that is going on with Baer. I have admired your courage and ability to keep so positive! I am always here for you if you need someone to talk to. We all have times when we just need to complain and get it off our chests. Please let me know if I can do anything for you!
I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I wish I lived closer so I could come and help you out! If you ever need to talk, let me know! I hope you get more sleep- I know from experience that it is hard to be nice and get things done on little sleep. :)
I wish we lived closer Jacks - I would love to help you! I watched Ana go trough a lot with her son and it was really hard on her...I know that it helps to just have someone to talk to. If you ever just need to talk or vent I'm around...Love ya girlie!
Hang in there! It does sound like you've got alot on your plate but that your doing everything you can to keep up! I love reading "real" posts, I'm sure after a good nights sleep you'll be feeling much better! I hope in a few Sundays it will officially be "Mothers Day" for you when Spencer is feeling better!
Jackie - I'm glad you kept the post real. It's good to know what is happening with you guys. I am sorry you are having such a rough time...I wish we lived closer. I would take James and he and Alan could play in our back yard sand box and have a difficult listening day together :) You have been doing an awesome job with Baer. Let us know if there is anything we can do for you (beside praying for you, which we already do).
Love ya,
Carissa
ps. I forgot to tell you earlier - I love your new hair cut!
Andrew and I were just talking the other day, we think you are doing great with Baer. I don't know if I could handle it. Hang in there, like all the others I wish I was closer, I know we always talk about it. Love you tons,
Bren
Jackie, don't even feel bad, sometimes you just need to vent and you deserve to vent. You have such a cute little family and they are blessed for all you do for them.
Oh man, what a sad mother's day!! I'm so sorry. You've had a lot to deal with and no sleep can make it so much worse! I hope Spencer feels better soon and that you can get the Mother's Day you deserve!
I remember a few Mother's Days where I was horribly miserable because of all the talks they gave at church about "perfect Moms" and I felt like I was "none of the above." You are ever in our prayers and we "love ya ALL THE TIME."
MomBa
I'm so glad you were real in this post Jackie! Life isn't always pie for anyone unfortunately. I'm just glad I'm not the only one who goes through poo!! Hang in there. You're awesome.
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